Songs general silliness and more ….

Most days are like all of the others,

Go to work, come back home, watch TV,

But, brother, if I had me druthers,

I’d chuck it and head out to sea,

For I dream of the skull and the crossbones,

I dream of the great day to come,

When I dump the mundane for the Old Spanish Main

And trade my computer for rum! ARRR!

T’ me,

Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,

It’s “Talk Like A Pirate” Day!

When laptops are benches God gave us for wenches,

And a sail ain’t a low price to pay!

When timbers are shivered and lillies are livered

And every last buckle is swashed,

We’ll abandon our cars for a shipfull of ARRRs

And pound back the grog till we’re sloshed. Yo ho ….

- Anyone see my keys?

- Just off the coast o’ Florida, matey! ARRR!

Don’t pick up yer phone and say “Hello,

Your ten-o-clock meeting’s delayed”,

Ye scrunch up yer face and ye bellow,

“AVAST! Ye’ve been bleedin’ BELAYED!”

Ye can’t keep this fun to yourself, I bet,

So sing “Aye”, “ARRR”, and “Ayy”, every man!

We ain’t got much grasp of the alphabet,

But a damn good retirement plan! (raucous laughter)

T’ me,

Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,

It’s “Talk Like A Pirate” Day!

Whatever’s in fashion is in for a thrashin’

And bein’ polite is passe!

When it’s ev’ry man’s duty to grab his proud beauty

And let out a hearty YO HO!

And if this offends you, hold your breath as we sends

you

Ta Davy Jones’ Locker ya go!

- Where IS Davy Jones’ Locker, anyway?

- Right near Monkee Island! Arr, aye, arr….

We’ll tell every banker “Heave to and weigh anchor!”

Buy latte with pieces of eight

We’ll fight to be chosen as cap’n or bosun

The loser, o’ course, is worst mate!

When we hoist Jolly Roger the landlubbers dodge ‘er,

We fill ‘em with loathing and fear,

We’ll plunder and pillage each city and village,

Or at least clean out Wal-Mart of beer!

- Ahoy, mateys! And Welcome ta “Iron Chef Pirate!”

Let’s see the secret ingredient!

<GONNNG It’s Barnacles!

- Oh ho! There’ll be some cutting-edge cuisine!

- “AWK! AWK!” <bzzzzzz

- Hold still, Polly! I need this for me salad!

- Avast there, me bucko! Ye need CARROT shavings! CARROT!

- But Captain, I be on Atkins!

- Moron…

- And you! WHAT are ye doin’ with that salmon?

- I’m grillin’ it on a hunk o’ cedar, what d’y'think?

- Ye CAN’T do that in a JAPANESE STIR-FRY, ye bilge rat!

- Oh HO! Ye never heard o’ “wokkin’ the plank”?

There ain’t no computin’ or morning commutin’,

No “Parking Lot Full” signs for me,

No lawns ta be mowin’ or bills to be owin’,

I’m knowin’ the pull of the sea.

The fresh salty brace of the wind on my face

Through hurricane, sunshine or squalls,

I’m keepin’ my eyes on the distant horizon,

Verizon can hold all my calls!

To wear a red coat full o’ buckles,

To earn a few duelling scars,

Well, at least we can get a few chuckles

By filling the office with ARRRs!

And maybe we’ll never get closer,

Than watchin’ ‘em on the big screen,

So here’s to old Errol and Depp as Jack Sparrow,

And every damn one in between!

T’ me,

Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,

It’s “Talk Like A Pirate” Day!

That time in September when sea dogs remember

That grown-ups still know how ta play!

When wenches are curvy and dogs are all scurvy

And a soft-wear patch covers your eye,

Ta hell with our jobs, for one day we’re all swabs

And buccaneers all till we die!

So hoist up the mainsails and shut down your brain cells,

They only would get in the way,

Avast there, me hearty, we’re havin’ a party,

It’s “Talk Like A Pirate” Day!

Yo Ho!

This be Pirate Keyboard

Why talk like a pirate – and how

My favorite rock band? The CaRRRRs

Why didn’t the Pirate have any Jelly on his PB&J?…he couldn’t open the jARRR

Why did the Pirate fail the test?…it was too hARRRd

Why didn’t the Pirate park in the parking lot?….there were too many cARRRs

Why did the Pirate go to Germany?…to see the bARRRs

Why did the Pirate not see the Movie?…it was rate ARRR

What is a Pirates favorite class in school?….ARRRt

Why didn’t the Pirate eat dinner?…he wanted to stARRve

Why are Pirates called Pirates?…because they ARRR

Whats a Pirates favorite country?…Arrrrgentina

Why didn’t the Pirate go to Australia?…because it was too fARRR

Whats a Pirate’s favorite place to eat?…ARRRby’s

What’s a pirates favorite dipping sauce?…tARRRtARRR

What is the one thing a pirate is afraid of?… ARRRmageddon!

What’s a pirate’s favourite movie?… MadagascARRRR

How do pirates tell what day it is?… They look on their calendARRRR

What’s a pirate’s favourite appliance? the ToastARRRR

What’s a pirate’s favourite animal? the ARRRRRdvark

What’s a pirate’s favorite night-time based activity? Gazing at the stARRRRs.

Why was the pirate wearing a parka? Because he was in the ARRRRRRtic.

Where does a pirate put his trash? In the GARRRRRbage!!

Why did the pirate have a heart attack? He had a clogged ARRRRrrrr-tery!!

Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs? Right where you left him.

What did the pirate go to beauty college for? To be a BARRRRRRRber!

Where does the Pirate get his coffee? Starrrrrrrrrrrbucks!

Why did the pirate like to play golf? Because he usually shot PARRRRR.

Who are the pirate’s favorite Star Wars characters? YARR2D2 and Yo-ho-ho-da

Yarrrrrrgggg! Thats b’ enough for now scallywags